Personal reflection

What's the difference between a clown and a man in a mid-life crisis...?

I'm going to start by having a bit of a rant in defence of the humble male and something that has been held up as something to be ridiculed for as long as I can recall, namely the male midlife crisis. The female menopause is taken very seriously and is even treated by the medical fraternity. Ok so perhaps a male mid life crisis doesn't need drugs to treat it, I believe that if it hits in a big way though it does need treating with understanding and compassion. When I went public with a few of my close friends about the fact that I think I went through one last year A female friend said (quote) "Oh, so you admit it now do you...I could have told you that ages ago!"

I was, though, astounded by the honest outpourings of confessions I received from some of my male friend. One in his mid 40s admitted to becoming 'star struck' by a girl young enough to be his daughter because she showed him some interest. Another admitted to having his hair dyed blond and putting an ear ring in for the first time at 40+ years old. Me? Well I spent a fortune on a new wardrobe and a convertible car that I kept for just 7 weeks before I grew up again. The day I bought the car was 17th November. It was cold but not raining or snowing so I had to travel the last 40 miles home with the top down. There I was in the freezing weather at around 5 pm on a Saturday evening driving a car with the top down and wearing my biggest down jacket that I bought to go up a 7,000 metre mountain. I had the heater blowing a gale and a hat and gloves on. I must have looked a choice p***k. That car lasted just 7 weeks before I changed it - I bought a Volvo. Talk about rebound!

It's not just me and a few guys down the pub who endure this almost unavoidable blight on our usually sedentary lives. A very well know and wealthy local gentleman decided at almost 60 that he wanted to trade his wife down to a 30 year old. He left it too late to realise what he was doing and now he is stuck with her.

My guess is that if your Dad or husband is between 40 and 60 then they too at some point will lament their youth and want to go back for a while. Believe me girls and ladies it might look funny to you but take it from me it is not funny and not at all comfortable. It's a bit like being almost drunk but not plastered... you know what you are doing….you even know that what you are doing is ridiculous...you just can't stop yourself doing it. Worse still you know that next morning you are going to feel like a real pillock.

So, if Dad or husband comes home with a syrup, or dyed blonde hair and an ear ring (and he looks bloody ridiculous) or worse still daughters if he wants to go out with you and your mates on a Friday night and he starts dancing with one of your mates, don't laugh or disown him; realise that there is no drug; the only medicine that will work is for someone to understand him and give him a hug now and then and tell him you love him.

Answer: A clown knows he is wearing ridiculous clothes.

Finally, I was inspired, on the lead up to Christmas, by the number of emails I received from people telling me that they were not going to spend money on Christmas cards and postage and that the money they saved would be donated to a worthwhile cause. So inspired was I that I followed their lead. So, if you didn't receive a Christmas card from me last year (and you didn't!) rest assured that the money I saved on cards and postage went to a very worthy cause. If you would like to see where the saved money went...come round to my house and have a look at my new flat screen TV, Sky plus box and home cinema surround sound.

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Recommended reading, listening or watching

The Boss is back. I bought the new CD by Bruce Springsteen and I have to say that "Magic" is his best work since he brought out "The River" and can you believe that was almost 30 years ago. For those who have never really listened to the Boss I cannot recommend this CD enough. Track 6 has to be up there with the finest driving anthems ever and if the words of the tribute track to his buddy don't move you then you are made of stone. Not since Amy McDonald have I placed a CD in my car and left it on repeat for days on end.

I can also recommend that you take some time to visit the cinema and watch "The Bucket List" staring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Apart from the fact that the stars are two of the greatest actors around the messages in the film are worth taking time to think about. Ok so it's a bit Hollywood and predictable (Although the end is a little bit of a surprise) it is a sweet film with a couple of laugh out loud moments mixed in with a few poignant moments. Generally an 8 out of ten from me and a bit of a tissue wetter at the end.

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What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

I am officially obese! My body contains 33% pure lard.

In some countries people actually use their vehicles after, and even sometimes during, a snow shower. (See adventure)

Sometimes there is no earthly reason for it and it seems like the most unfair thing in the world...but you just have to do it...and it always works out in the end.

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Why...?

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Actionstep

Just for fun this weekend I bought a lottery ticket on the understanding that I have more chance of knitting fog than winning. It didn't win so part one of my plan was accomplished. Now for part two! (My overseas friends will probably not understand this...sorry) I have sent the ticket to the Chancellor of the Exchequer with a letter. In my letter I referred to the precedent he had set by allowing the bank of England to bail out Northern Rock, a private investment company, in order to protect the investors. I then pointed out that other investors, including myself, had also taken a calculated financial risk and asked him to give the same protection to us as he had given the Northern Rock investors by returning the £5 we had invested in the lottery - and duly lost. Can I suggest that you do the same?

On another note I was having a conversation with my friend, Jamie, who fully expects to represent England in this years Rugby League world cup in Australia in November. He asked me if I was going out to watch any of it. I said that I hadn't given it much serious thought but then said "I will have to see how I can afford to go." Jamie said "Good answer, people usually just say 'I can't afford to go.'" This was a typical answer for me though. If I don't want to do something I will say so, not "I can't" and follow it with an excuse. If I do want to do something I will ask a powerful question like "How can I..." I guess it could be construed as goal setting with a softer edge to it. So I have written myself some questions...
How can I afford to go to the Rugby league world cup final to cheer Jamie on when England get there?

How can I write a book this year and have it become a best seller?

...and here is my favourite so far. I have run the London marathon five times so far. The fastest in 3 hours and 6 minutes. Every time I have run it I have worked hard and not taken too much notice of what is going on around me. So I have asked this question...

How can I EXPERIENCE the London marathon in April?

I will of course let you know the answers when I know them.

Why not give it a shot. Instead of saying "I cant..." ask first "do I want to...". If your answer is 'no' than don't do it (and shut up moaning about it) and if your answer is 'yes' then ask "How can I..." and get to work doing it.

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Achievements Inventory

• I left Colorado at 06:30 am wearing a white jumper. I arrived at Manchester 18 hours later with not one spot of food on it and it was still white.
• My second open course "Wake up to who you are and what you deserve" is almost full.
• I replaced tiles on my roof. (A tap washer and window blind last month and roof tiles this month. I'm turning into a 'bloke'!)
• I bought and fitted new memory into my lap top...yeah-yeah I know)! The only people who truly mean "It's not rocket science" are rocket scientists.
• Tickets for Eric Clapton live at Harewood House went on sale at midnight on 3rd February. At 07:12 on 4th February there were only 6 tickets remaining...I got 2.

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Feedback

Feedback is not all about receiving. I love to give feedback when I think it is worthy. One such occasion recently was when I met Tom.

I was walking my dog early one morning when I met a young man dressed very smartly in his school uniform walking his dog, 'Digby'. The uniform was that of my old school. When the young man reached me he said "Good morning. What do you call your dog?" A conversation followed where we swapped notes about school now and 34 years ago! At the end of our walk and conversation Tom offered his hand and said "It has been nice to meet you. I will remember you to Mr Wood (my old PE teacher who is till there.)"

It transpired that Tom is 12 years old and in his second year at the school. His favourite lesson is PE and the head (my friend Geoff Mitchell) is strict but fair. "He has to be because some of the other boys are a bit rough."

Meeting Tom brightened my day so much that before I left for my meetings that day I took 5 minutes to write to Geoff and tell him of my experience and that Tom was a credit to the school and to his parents. I posted the letter and went about my business.

A few days later I received a reply from Geoff, part of which read...

"I have searched our database and found Tom. I must admit that I did need to check that he had a dog called Digby before going into too much detail with him. I was able to congratulate him and share parts of your letter with him. He appeared very proud. What was refreshing was that he did not believe he had done anything different and it was a normal expectation for him – what a delight."

What a delight indeed. When I wrote my letter I just wanted to pass on some good news. It turns out that Tom has reaped some rewards for being the young man that he is and my guess is that his um and dad are just a little bit proud of him as well. Come on people, it took me 5 minutes to tell the truth. Who can you congratulate this month?

Finally, I have received several emails this year already from people who take the time to email and tell me all sorts of things. Some want to tell me that my story has inspired them, some that it made them nauseous. Some want advice (I never give advice...I give my perspective) and some want to give me advice. Whatever the reason I am always humbled that someone has taken the time to email or write to me. I am especially humbled when the email is pages long even though I usually have to put these to one side and read them later when time permits me to do so.

This is how I see it. I spend my working life telling people my story, usually because I have been asked to do so. Anyone who takes the time to email me is taking time out of their busy days to share their, invariably inspirational, stories with me. I just want to say that this is one of the privileges I enjoy as an inspirational humorist. So if you have taken the time to write to me, thank you for the privilege of sharing your story. And if you are thinking of doing so, NO... I will not be offended or put out if you choose to do so (I have had several communications starting with "I hope you don't mind...")

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This months adventure

My adventure this time took me to Colorado in the USA. I actually went to Colorado Springs. You have heard me say this many times before, it always amazes me how many times I get to say it...Colorado Springs is one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited. Ok, so it was winter and snow always seems to enhance any place I visit, but this was truly amazing natural beauty. The Colorado Rockies were on view out of my hotel window (see picture) as was the lake which of course was almost completely frozen over. It still didn't stop us from swimming in the open air pool though.

Click the photo to see the larger version

Here is the most surprising thing of all though. There had been a severe snow storm which left a blanket of snow around 12 inches deep. I was astounded at what the Americans did with it. They used snow ploughs to clear the roads and footpaths...and then people went to work and carried on as normal. Wow, can you imagine that happening after a flurry in the UK? Never once did I hear a radio or TV message that said "Only travel if your journey is absolutely necessary!" (How many unnecessary journeys do you actually make in a day?)

As for the good old US of A. Well as usual the people were enthusiastic and pleased to see me. And of course the breakfasts are to die for (literally if you have more than one a trip.)

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If...

Questions to stimulate conversation either in the office or over dinner.

Q1. IF you could have congratulated someone yesterday who would it have been? Why not do it now?

Q2. IF you could ask yourself a "How can I..?" question, what would you ask?

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