Personal reflection

Motivation - a reason to...
Motivation can also be a reason to not do something. In life we are motivated by one of two things...the chance to either avoid (move away from) pain or gain (move towards) pleasure. I have always believed the law acted as 'away from motivation' for people who were contemplating doing something illegal. When I was a kid there was nothing better than scrumping apples from the trees in Mr Dales or Mrs Shipley's orchard. The stern 'shouting at' we would get from Mrs Shipley or the 'clip round the ear' we would get from Mr Dale never generated enough fear to prevent us from taking our chances. However committing criminal damage was a different matter.

When I was a kid I was taught that other people's property was something to be respected and that included public property. I would not dare to destroy anything, or even damage anything, deliberately for fear that I would be caught by PC Les Parkinson. PC Parkinson was a big bobby on a bike who we would see around our village regularly. If he caught you doing something illegal or even naughty he wouldn't think twice about clipping you around the ear (yes seriously - he would clip my ear). He would then march me home using the afore-mentioned ear as a lead where my mum or dad would repeat the clip - just for good measure. I, and every other young person in the area, had a healthy respect for PC Parkinson and the law that he represented. Later in life as a teenager, I had a little too much of the falling down water one night and, on my way home, I threw an empty aluminium beer keg into the local river. This time PC Lee saw me. He marched me to the station and charged me with petty theft. A couple of weeks later I made my first of two appearances in the York county court where I was fined £25. At the time I was earning £17 a week as a butcher's apprentice. Despite this, I wasn't given a period of time in which to pay my fine so my mum loaned me the money - and I paid for it for months afterwards.

So what is my point here? My point is that the law and its subsequent enforcement acted as a deterrent or, in psychological terms, 'away from motivation' which ensured I remained a law abiding citizen. A recent incident close to my home has, once again, proved that this 'fear' or 'away from motivation' no longer exists. A 'For Sale' sign was taken from someones garden, carried more than 200 metres and used to smash every pane of glass in a newly erected bus shelter. For good measure it was then thrown through the glass door of an adjacent phone booth. WHY?????

This is just one example of what appears to be a total breakdown of respect for law and order and I think I have a viable reason for this. It is the constant use of the word "Could" by this weak and cowardly government when they make their new laws.

• Off-licenses, public houses and supermarkets 'could' lose their licenses if they sell to underage drinkers
• Anyone found carrying a knife 'could' face a prison sentence
• Parents of children who consistently play truant 'could' face a prison sentence
• Drink drivers 'could' lose their licenses for life

...and so the list goes on. Perhaps if there were a few less bleeding heart lawyers and faint hearted politicians out there, we could eliminate the word 'could' and replace it with the word "WILL!".

When I was a kid, if PC Parkinson'WOULD' get a clip round the ear and bo*****s to your human rights. Subsequently I DID grow up with a healthy respect for the law, other people and their property.

Perhaps we as parents should look at who our children look up to as their role models. A recent survey of schoolchildren found that of their top ten role models, David Beckham was number one. Why not? The guy has worked hard to be where he is today and still practices those free kicks that some think come naturally to him. His wife somehow made it to number two...perhaps that's just me!!!

Lewis Hamilton came in at number seven and four of the other eight were spawned by reality TV programmes. Please ask yourself if this is how they see themselves becoming successful, even if it is only for a few months? If it is we MUST work hard to teach them that the Beckham's and Hamilton's of this world have been working at their trade since childhood and have made many sacrifices along the way. There is no such thing as an overnight success. Probably most worrying of all though was the role model (!!!!!) at number six. PARIS HILTON. This might just be me and my ignorance, but would someone please tell me what the heck this woman has done (other than being born to a very successful man) to become a role model?

That's it...rant over.

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Recommended reading, listening or watching

Just a bit of "I told you so!" coming up. Last month I told you to have a listen to Bruce Springsteen's new CD, 'Magic'. Shortly after that, this story appeared in the press:

Furious Karen Cooper killed her husband in a row over Bruce Springsteen. When he removed the CD 'Magic' from her hi-fi she stabbed him. She said "I mean, who doesn't like Bruce Springsteen?"

Like I said...'Magic' is the best CD of the decade so far...I told you so!

Meanwhile...
I am busy preparing material for my 50th birthday charity event in August and one of the ways I intend to recall the first half of my life is through music. To that end I have been going through my old records (ask your Dad!) and CD's. I have had a blast listening to some of the stuff that I used to buy or dance to (I use the term dance lightly.) Stuff like the sound track to "The Blues Brothers". Wow just to hear raw hide and peter gun again made the hairs stand upon the back of my neck. What about that car chase though, wasn't that the best ever in a film, except perhaps Steve McQueen's one in "Bullet". I even watched "Footloose" again. Kevin Bacon circa Top Gun (was he in Top Gun?...no that was Val Kilmer wasn't it? So what WAS Kevin Bacon in then?) Anyway I digress.

In order to enhance my research, I took a stroll into the local music store to see what they had on the shelves. I came across a new CD collection called "Jackie". It's based on the old girls magazine of the same name and the music that was around when it was popular. Marc Bolan (how huge would he have been had he survived?) Kenny, Barry Blue, Mud, Wings...they're all there AND you can understand what they're all saying. I used to love reading Jackie. Richard and I would secretly buy it and read it on long journeys. The problem page would give us an insight into how a girls mind worked. Oh, how I wish there were a Jackie magazine around today.

Anyway, my point is, if you are between 30 and 50 the Jackie triple CD is a brilliant reminder of some of the stuff that we would listen to on our little red transistor when head phones were invented.

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What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

If you put a very expensive 'North Face' jacket in the washing machine you end up with a very expensive North Face shirt.

A recent survey showed that when faced with having to make financial cutbacks the top three things that the average adult will cut back are:
3rd ~ Holidays
2nd ~ Beauty treatments
1st ~ Maintaining their car

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WHY...?

...are there speed cameras on the M4 into London...WHY?

...do drivers of huge 4 X 4'drive so slowly over speed humps?

...do the police in Heathrow refuse to have their photograph taken with a stuffed puffin yet the guys at immigration in Dubai are happy to?

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Actionstep

Ask them if you can ask them.

Over the years of going through the emotions (that most people go through) of hoping that everyone will like me and wishing I had more friends, I have come to understand that not everyone does like me, respect me or want me to be their friend. In the scale of things, given the number of people I come into contact with, that has become something of a comforting thought for me. If everyone liked me I wouldn't be able to afford the Christmas cards or remember all their birthdays. I have come to understand that I only really want or need love or respect (or both) from people I love or respect (or both.) To that end, I am busy right now compiling my support list. This is a list of people, in descending order, who I love or respect enough to ask for support when I next need it. The support I ask for might be something as small as time for a chat over coffee or it might be permission to call at any time of the day or night if I need a friend. Some will be able to support me holistically and others in certain areas of my life such as when I face business or personal challenges. There will also be the need to be able to share great news with someone, too. There is nothing more demoralising than having some fantastic news and not having any one to share it with.

Once I have finished my list, I will contact all of the people on it and explain about my list. I will explain that I consider them true friends, that I trust them and that I love or respect them (or both.) Then I will 'ask them if I can ask them' when I need them. I fully expect most, if not all, to say "of course you can." Should any one of them tell me that they would rather I didn't I will honour that honesty and ask someone else. I will also make it known that should they choose to put me on a similar list I will be happy to be there for them, as long as I can say so with authenticity.

So here is my challenge for you. Who would you like to know will be there for you if you need someone to support you, or someone to share great news with or who will kick your a**e if you need it? Put those names on a list and then 'ask them if you can ask them'.

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Achievements Inventory

• I had an idea for a book (journal) on a Wednesday. I called Shelli who designed my last book and we met the following day. We would need fourteen pages each with 550 words written on them. I asked Ivor to design the front cover for me and Shelli found a printer to produce 600 copies. Thanks do some good planning and a sense of urgency from every one, just twenty days later I had the boks in my hand. Well...I had one in my hand and 599 in my garage!
• I said sorry much quicker than I used to do.

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Feedback

In this business we have to get used to other people telling us their opinions...it's all part of the lesson. After all I make a living from voicing mine.

People give feedback in different ways; some do it face to face, some by email. I have had feedback by phone and text. On a couple of occasions I have had people walk out of my presentations after listening to something I said. I have said it before and will continue to say it, I completely honour all of the feedback I receive and those who are kind enough to give it...except one...

One evening recently I was delivering a presentation to a group of small business owners. I indicated what I was going to say and a lady walked out saying that she didn't want to hear it. Well, that's a first...someone walking out because of what I was going to say. Ho hum, such is life.

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This months adventure

A few of my colleagues and I have decided that we would like to spend more time together socially. To make it fun, each of us will organise something to do that will take the others out of their comfort zones, something that we would not normally do. Being a devout Christian, Paul decided that some of us (I think he meant Steve and I) needed to visit a church. As you know I am agnostic. Steve, though, is a full on atheist. So the guy on stage would have his work cut out to get us up and changing light bulbs. Paul dutifully organised that we would all attend the Abundant Life Ministry in Bradford. This is not your traditional 'sing some hymns and chuck a quid in the plate on your way out' sort of ministry. This is more in the 'Happy-clappy' sort of ministry where you can genuinely make your 'donation' using your credit card!

Well, we and sat and listened; we took notice and respected the whole process. I can't speak for Steve or the rest of the group, but personally, I found the whole experience manipulative, and to be absolutely honest with you a money making exercise for the organisation. Manipulative in the way the whole service was presented and managed. I can, though, totally get how someone who was vulnerable and looking for support and answers would find the whole ethos welcoming and for that reason I respect what the guys there are doing. The fact is, we shared a room with more than 1000 other people and that was the second service of the day, so I admit that a great many people are getting something positive from attending. The pastor who spoke delivered a message that, if you took God out of it, would not have been out of place on the stage of a business conference and I was informed that he wasn't even the best speaker. (I have been back since to see the other speaker and the first one was the best!)

Did it change my beliefs as far as religion is concerned? I'm afraid not. My truth is that anyone with an ounce of intelligence can read the bible and make it mean whatever they want it to mean, so I guess it only served to reinforce my present beliefs. However, Paul challenged us and we gave it a go - and for that alone, I am proud of myself.

So next time it is my turn. I have arranged that we will all be going...bugger! My lap top just cra..............

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If...

Questions to stimulate conversation either in the office or over dinner...

Q1. IF there was a song that reflected your life or that you could use as a theme tune to your life what would it be?

Q2. IF you were given just five minutes to leave your home and never come back what would you take with you.

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