Personal reflection

Speaking to you people through this medium is very cathartic. I see it as a privilege to be able to share stuff with you when otherwise I might have to keep it to myself. So excuse me if the next couple of paragraphs are a little self-indulgent, I just wanted to share some very personal thoughts with someone.

On 15th of this month my dear old mum passed away. She had been ill for some time so her passing was not exactly a surprise. You can never really prepare yourself for something like this, though, no matter how much warning you get. I was very fortunate though to spend some quality time with mum during her final few days. As with most things that happen in our lives, there are always lessons to be learned. What I learned from sharing time with mum was not exactly a lesson, more an observation. Nevertheless I will share it with you - tell me what you think.

A week before mum left us we were called to the hospital because it was thought that her time had come. I was actually told that she probably had a few hours left. Strangely enough, when I arrived, the first thing I noticed was a large clock on the wall opposite mum's bed right in front of her. As I spent time with her she asked on several occasions what time it was and each time I gave her the answer she would always give me when I asked as a kid "five minutes since you asked last time". Then it struck me; what if mum had heard the doctors saying that she only had a few hours left? What if she believed them and was just counting down the hours?

As I left mum that day, comfortable in the knowledge that, for now, that she was sticking around, I took the clock from the wall, threw the battery in the bin and hid the clock behind the curtains.

On my way home I got to thinking. What if, on the day we were born, we were given a clock and that clock was counting down the time that we had been given on this planet? What would we do with our time if we knew exactly how much of it we had left?

On another note, I have often said that I would hate to be a kid again. I would hate to be a young person today, all tarred with the same brush, prospect apparently bleak for the future and blamed for just about everything that goes on in society. However, I am beginning to change my mind. If I were a kid again and I lived my life exactly the same as I did in the sixties I would be a blooming millionaire! It seems that the 'evil finger pointing' which has propagated the money grabbing blame culture festering in Britain today has spread to the classroom and playground. A child who broke his ankle playing tag was awarded more than £21,000! The same amount was paid to a kid who fell off a climbing frame! Another got £500 for falling off a space hopper for goodness sake! One lad received £11,800 because he broke a tooth sliding on ice with his mates.

With that in mind I would like to make a retrospective claim for the following please...

1. £1000,000 from the builders of number 1 South view because I fell off a part built wall and split my head open when I was 4 years old.
2. £400,000 from Mr Dale the farmer who owned the apple tree I fell out of and wrenched my neck so badly that I couldn't walk for days.
3. £125,000 for a deep cut to my left wrist which needed stitches. I cut it breaking a window when helping some builders to demolish a house during my school holidays.
4. £8000,000 from farmer Wlamsely. This is a big one. Mr Wlamsely owned the field that housed a huge tree. During a particularly violent storm one Saturday night in September 1969 a huge branch broke from the tree. The bow did not fall to the ground though. Its fall was arrested by another branch leaving the broken end of the tree suspended in the air. Because in those days all houses were heated by solid fuel a felled tree could provide enough wood for the whole winter. But it was first come – first served. So off I trotted with my axe and sack to get our share. I took one mighty swing at the broken branch and the whole thing fell on top of me breaking my right leg. I was off school for almost twelve weeks with a full leg pot on and to this very day I cannot walk past a tree! (OK. That bit is a lie...but it would probably hold up in court!)

In today's society my guess is that the poor old farmer would lose his livelihood because of that incident. Back in 1969, though, incidents like these were seen as being a part of growing up. Don't even get me started on some of the injuries we received through playing British Bulldogs!!!

When I was growing up incidents like these were referred to as 'an accident'.They were not seen as a career move or a way to pay off your 'Ocean Finance' debt. Of course its not the kids who are to blame for this culture is it? The people responsible for this evil cancer on our society are greedy parents and ambulance chasing lawyers who see the slightest accident as a way to apportion blame and make an easy buck. What a shame...don't you think?

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Recommended reading, listening or watching

Something a little different this time. Rather than recommended reading or listening I'm going to pass on a few of tips for the office, home and garden. Yes, I can be quite the domesticated one when I want to be. I can also be something of a gardener as well - when the need arises - although I am prone to take a 'bull at a gate' approach at times.

Tip one, for the garden
If you have a pampas grass in your garden that, like mine, is riddled with dead leaves and burning doesn't clear it out completely, take a pair of cutters and hack it down to the root stump and set fire to it. Then just stand by and watch as your previously scruffy pampas plant blossoms into an amazing display!

Tip two, for the home
I have a beautiful white shag pile rug in my sitting room. It is my pride and joy. Unfortunately, brilliant white shag pile rugs hold on to marks and stains with amazing resilience. Having a dog that has the run of the house doesn't help either. Having a dog who has the run of the house...and who is ill...can be a disaster, especially if the poor thing is 'ill' on the brilliant white shag pile! Well worry no more. Tesco sell an amazing product called 'Stain Devil' which, I am convinced, will take the enamel of a cup if you wanted it to. Just rub it on the stain, leave it for 10 minutes than wash it off. Good as new!

Tip three, for the office (or holiday)
Because I was going white water rafting I decided to invest in a camera that would withstand anything I threw at it. To that end I bought the new Olympus M850 SW and it's fantastic! Completely waterproof to 196 metres (OK that's probably a fib but it did go fairly deep more than once) and shockproof to boot. The quality of the pictures is brilliant as is the anti-shake feature. All for less than £200!

Now who says a newsletter can't be informative?

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What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

There is a country that is actually more laid back and relaxed than Jamaica...Zambia!

If you go to Africa for seven nights and leave a gas ring burning on very low your kitchen is REALLY hot when you get home...

I know what it is like to me a cash millionaire. OK, so it was in Zambian currency and I would struggle to buy a cheese sandwich with it but, hey...just for a second...

If you don't put sunscreen in between the straps on your sandals you can (I did) get 3rd degree burns on your feet...

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Actionstep

How are you teaching people to treat you?

Working on the principle that we get what we give in life I believe that the way other people treat us is determined by the way we teach them to treat us. Others will treat us in a way that is congruent with the way they see us treating ourselves. If you tolerate people treating you negatively or in a way that lacks respect for who you are then they will believe that this is how you want to be treated. For instance if someone speaks to you disrespectfully and you allow them to because "you don't want to cause a stir" or worse still "you don't want to upset them" you are actually saying "the way you are treating me is acceptable to me so please continue to do so."

On my latest adventure on the mighty Zambezi I saw a perfect example of someone teaching others how to treat her and then being upset when they did so.

Mary (not her real name) quickly became part of a group of guys who had come on the adventure with the sole intention of having fun. Their idea of fun involved drinking copious amounts of beer every evening, getting drunk and generally behaving like a bunch of guys on a blokes holiday. This involved conversations that became more vociferous and peppered with expletives as the evening went on. I took myself off to a quieter place on my own. I had no real objection to the guys enjoying themselves, I just didn't want to be a part of it. Mary, though, did want to be a part of it and not only did she stay with the group she actually joined them in their conversations including matching their vocabulary. Mary was quickly accepted as one of the group.

On the third day Mary was on our raft when one guy allowed himself the luxury of a natural bodily function...he farted. Like a shot Mary challenged him telling him how rude it was to fart openly but even more so in front of a 'lady'. Without a moments thought, our flatulent friend turned to Mary and said, "How can you complain about me farting, which is a natural bodily function, when you sit there every night swearing like a trooper round the fire with the others?"

In short, what our friend was saying to Mary was "I thought, seeing as you are prepared not only accept the use of the 'F' and 'C' word in your presence but also use those words yourself, you wouldn't mind if I farted in front of you." I immediately thought that Mary had actually taught our flatulent friend how to treat her.

In a similar vein, when one of my brothers uses a restaurant or similar place, he treats waiter or waitresses as people who are there to tend to his every whim. He is abrupt and darn right disrespectful to them. He could spend hours regaling you with stories about how the service he receives is rubbish or worse. I, on the other hand, have a different attitude ~ I treat everyone serving me as I would hope others would treat my daughter if she was serving them. The first thing I do in restaurants and the like is to ask my servers name and then ask if I can use it. I then give them my name and ask them to use it. I engage them and invite them to become a part of my experience. I, too, could spend hours regaling you with stories about the service I have received...only my stories are invariably positive stories. Just one more example of how we teach people to treat us.

The law of abundance states that "Our rewards in life will be in direct proportion to our contributions". The same goes for the way we are treated. So next time you think that someone is treating you disrespectfully, ask yourself who taught them to do so.

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Achievements Inventory

I finally got that car. Hopefully I can now celebrate the end of this mid-life crisis. This is not exactly an achievement, it is more a reason for me to be sectioned. However I have taken up my option of entry into the 2010 Marathon Des Sables.

I swallowed my misplaced pride...took my head out of my a**e and said thank you to someone who deserved it. Their reaction was lovely.

I have never carried out in-depth research before so I am particularly proud of myself for seeing this research through to the end. For eight weeks I have monitored what happens when I wash my bedding. On seven of the eight occasions that I have washed my bedding my duvet cover has turned inside out in the tumble dryer. On all eight occasions though my pillow cases ended up inside the duvet. OK, so perhaps I need a hobby, but can anyone tell me why that happens?

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Feedback

I was featured in a fairly substantial article in the Yorkshire Post newspaper recently talking about my illness with depression last year. We followed this up with a very open and candid interview on BBC radio Leeds. To say I was touched by the feedback from the public would be an understatement. As you will see in this edition, and others before it, I pride myself in being open and honest about all things in my life, positive or not.

As a result of receiving several requests to do so I am in the process of writing an article to be featured on my web site detailing everything about my depression incident, including signs I missed leading up to it, and how I have managed to (with a struggle sometimes) stay away from experiencing the same thing since. Feedback is brilliant, but even more so when we react positively to it, don't you think?

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This months adventure

My latest adventure saw me experiencing 'Morning Glory' and 'Stairway to Heaven' followed by 'The Devils Toilet Bowl' and finishing with 'Midnight Dinner'...and that was just on the first day!

Day two saw me exposed to 'Creamy White Buttocks' before entering into 'Oblivion'.

On day three I started with 'Morning Shower' followed by 'The Narrows' and 'Upper Moemba' before taking on 'Son of Ghostrider' and finally facing the ultimate thrill in 'Ghostrider' on the final day.

No I haven't been sampling some illicit produce or smoking the latest experience from Columbia. I have been white water rafting along 40 kilometres of the Mighty Zambezi River in Zambia. The names above are all names given to the rapids we faced on our adventure. 'Upper Moemba' and 'Ghostrider' are two of the largest commercial rapids in the world and certainly the greatest adrenaline rush I have ever experienced. Although not physically the hardest challenge I have undertaken it is certainly the one of the most enjoyable things I have ever done.

After a ten hour flight we arrived in Johannesburg. Our stopover was just long enough to grab some coffee and for me to sit back and observe as some of the characters in the group exposed themselves. As a veteran of many of these adventures where a group of strangers come together I have observed that there is, among others, always...

1. At least one 'larger than life' character who starts off loud and just gets louder
2. One Asian guy who is quiet but really nice when you get to know him. He is usually a doctor of some kind but this one was an accountant
3. One group of guys who become the entertainment mafia
4. One person, usually female but not always, who is there to genuinely conquer a fear
5. One person who makes every excuse for not completing the challenge before it even starts
6. One person who wants to go camping but would rather not sleep in a tent or on this occasion go white water rafting but doesn't want to fall in or even get wet if possible

They were all there this time.

The rafting itself started almost under the amazingly beautiful Victoria Falls and followed the Zambezi through the Batoka Gorge for around 40K over four days. The Zambizi is only the fourth longest river in Africa however it is the one with the largest concentration of water.

We were fortunate to see plenty of wildlife including fish eagles, baboons, hippos by the score, an elephant or two and crocodiles, one of which was much too close for comfort. As I had decided to sleep away from the main group on my own I was advised to put my sleeping bag at least five meters from the river as crocodiles rarely travel more than 3 or 4 meters away from the water. Our adventure had the most amazing climax when we were taken in groups of three on a helicopter flight over the magnificent Victoria Falls. So that is one more 'must see before I die' that I can cross off my list.

The trip was exciting to say the least. As a group we experienced one broken shoulder (In the pub the night before we even left the hotel…that was number 1 out of the trip) 3 total wipe outs, an epidemic of sunstroke and several bouts of what can only be called 'unexpected calls of nature.' As an individual I experienced 3rd degree burns to my feet from the sun (no exaggeration….3rd degree burns!) and a five hour visit to the in flight toilet for the first half of the flight home. However as I have already said this was certainly my most exhilarating adventure to date and one that I would more than readily repeat on another river one day, I'm thinking Grand Canyon here.

Victoria Falls from above
(Click the pic for a larger version)

Creamy White Buttocks
(Click the pic for a larger version)

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If...

Questions to stimulate conversation either in the office or over dinner.

Q1. IF you really do teach people how to treat you, where do you think you might have made a mistake?

Q2. IF you actually do teach people how to treat you how would you like them to treat you from now on...and how will you teach them to do so?

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