Personal Reflection

Who decides what is funny and what is beyond the line of decency?

Unfortunately I am classed as a 'Motivational' Speaker. It is a label we have to live with because that is what people ask for when they are looking for a speaker for a conference or something similar. Personally, for reason I have explained previously in this medium, I dislike the expression 'Motivational' Speaker. I prefer to call myself an 'Inspirational Humourist' because rather than presuming that I can motivate people (I can't...no-one can) it does imply that I am an inspiration, which I am to many people, and that I am humorous, which again I am to many people. I would never be bold enough to call myself a comedian because I'm not. Comedians tell jokes; I reflect on life in a humorous way - in my mind there is a huge difference between the two - and my humour, for the most part, is personalised but delivered in such a way that other people can say "Me, too" to my reflections. Whether you are a comedian or a humourist (or neither) it still doesn't answer the question, who decides what is funny and what is beyond the line of decency?

The reason I ask is because I find the recent spate of Michael Jackson jokes, and those that were sent around involving Jade Goody after her sad and untimely death, tasteless to say the least. However an infinite number of people seem to find them so very funny that they feel the need to share them with everyone they know. For several days following his untimely death I was fortunate enough not to have received any although a good friend said that she was receiving them at all times of the day and night, something she, too, found distasteful. My reprieve was not to last though and I was finally bombarded with at least ten 'jokes' none of which I found remotely funny and all of which were unwelcome. I guess the answer to the question lies within the individual and what their beliefs and values are.

Is it a sign of the times that any, and every, subject is up for ridicule? Is it, in effect, 'open season' on anyone who is in a less fortunate position than us? I mean, let's be honest; the most popular programme on our televisions for the last couple of years is one that pokes fun at vulnerable people in our society, including those suffering from incontinence, who cannot defend themselves. Given that we are in, probably, the most politically correct time ever right now I would doubt the existence of 'open season' on anyone. So I can only assume that those people who delight in creating or passing these 'jokes' around would be less than ecstatic if the tables were turned and they became the subject of similar ridicule or if they, too, became the subject of less than complimentary internet activities.

Recently a lady on the periphery of Elaine and my social circle asked for my mobile number which I was happy to give her. Within hours I was receiving 'jokes' she obviously thought were so funny, she had to share them with everyone on her contact list! Most were to do with immigrants and Asians living and working in the UK - many even included the 'N' word! I challenged her and asked her not to send me anymore and explained that I am not a racist a homophobe or any of the other abhorrent dispositions who create or enjoy these jokes. When she explained that she sends them to her entire list I asked her to remove my number from her phone there and then. On the other hand, during a discussion about racism etc with a group of students, I was asked by one if it was racist for him not to like a black kid in the school. I said of course not and clarified that by saying that it is ok not to like someone who is another colour or who is gay. However, it is NOT OK to not like someone BECAUSE they are another colour or persuasion.

Back to the Michael Jackson thing though. I have a couple of questions for those who seem to find this stuff funny...

• Are you parents or close to someone? How would you feel if one of your own children or someone you were close to suffered from some incurable affliction or an untimely death? How would you feel if someone saw it as 'open season' to create or spread jokes about them and their death?
• How would you feel if you yourself were suffering from an affliction that others chose to ridicule publicly?

^ menu

Recommended reading, listening or watching

Over the last few months Elaine and I have been fortunate enough to see some amazing live performances. Each one seemed to knock the socks off the previous one and interestingly enough all of them were performers or bands who seem to have been around forever.

First I was dragged to see Lionel Ritchie, I wasn't kicking and screaming you understand (I still think 'Easy' and 'Dancing on the ceiling' are brilliant) but he might have been some way down my list. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole evening. He was outstanding and boy did he know how to play his audience.

Next came 'Seal' who I decided I would like to see live purely because of his new CD 'Soul' which was released at Christmas and had him recreating some of the old Sam Cooke classics, again we were not disappointed, he was outstanding although after 90 minutes he did seem to be singing the same song over and over. Perhaps we should have left after 'Kiss from a rose.'

On 9th July though we went to the NIA in Birmingham to see The Eagles and I can honestly say that this was the greatest live performance I have EVER seen and, as I have already mentioned in this newsletter, our seats were amazing. The Eagles who re-formed with their original members including Don Henley and Joe Walsh must be without a doubt the most authentic sounding band around at present. They didn't have a support act so started promptly at half past seven. They played for 70 minutes and then announced that they were going for a break and then "we will be back to play for a looong time" and a long time they did play for. In total they played live for three hours and I'm sure I'm not the only one who could have stayed for even longer.

Here is a word that is being bounded around my industry recently that personally I think a lot of people are paying lip service to, the word is 'Authenticity.' All three of these acts displayed huge authenticity, every one of them sang LIVE with no lip sync or miming and every one of them sounded as good or even better than they do on the sound system at home. None of them represented the cheapest night out we have ever had but I can honestly say that every one was worth every single penny.

We went to see Quo again too on 23rd July. Given that this is the 34th year running I have seen them I think that says enough.

^ menu

What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

All of life can be seen in one hour by the pool on holiday!
An hour by the pool

Australia is known as the Quarry of the World.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how fit or ready YOU think that you are. If you aren't going up you simply aren't going up!
Mont Blanc, they stole my goal

^ menu

Challenging your thinking

They can't shoot you for asking!

Were you brought up to believe that it was rude to ask? "Wait until you are offered" is something I heard regularly. And then you stood and watched as the best seats or the chocolate coated biscuits went to whoever had been courageous enough to ask for them. My mate Will Kintish (www.kintish.com) makes a valid point when he says that if we didn't let go of the belief that it is rude to ask we those of us who rely on networking fro at least part of our business would soon be out of business. It isn't rude to ask, it is rude to DEMAND or to EXPECT that you should be given something that has not already been offered to you, but it is not rude to ask for something that you think you deserve.

Personally I am an asker, I ask for loads of things. If I am flying standard class I will arrive early at check in and I will ask for an exit seat or at the very least a seat that affords me a little more leg room, of course I only ask for this if I have already had my request for an upgrade turned down. When we eat in a restaurant I will ask for a table in a corner (the reason for this is a whole other article!?!) Recently though we received some amazing good fortune simply by asking.

As I have already mentioned earlier we went to see The Eagles on 7th July at the NIA in Birmingham. Because I have long legs I will usually only attend an event such as this if I can secure end of row seats however on this occasion I was very late booking the tickets so had to be satisfied with whatever was left. When we arrived we discovered that 'what was left' were two seats just eight rows from the back of the arena and right in the middle of the row. Now anyone who has been to one of these arenas knows that the seats have been crammed in with little or no regard for anyone who cannot t their legs in their pockets, there is in fact less than twelve inches between your seat and the seat in front. Add to this the fact that I had given my left knee an almighty knock whilst climbing in the Alps the previous week resulting in a cracker of a bruise just above the knee and the whole 'squeezing into these two seats for three hours' scenario was clearly a none starter.

We arrived shortly before the concert started and there was to be no support act. So by our reasoning any seats that were not occupied soon after the concert started might be free. We decided that I should ask one of the security guys if we could change seats. Of course he couldn't help us, it wasn't his job, but he did advise us to ask at the ticket desk. I politely explained the situation and asked if there were any spare end of row seats anywhere in the arena, even right at the back. The lovely young lady explained that almost every seat had been sold but she did have "these two" available and handed me two tickets for row AA6 which just happened to be two standard, free standing , chairs just 6 rows back from the stage. Ok so as well as four able bodied couples we were sat with a guy in a wheelchair and another on an oxygen bottle but we were assured that the seats were spare and that we were not doing someone more deserving out of them. I think that's what you call a result. And all I did was ask.

It's worth remembering that anything can be turned into a question, and a question ALWAYS requires an answer. For instance saying "I can't" is a statement of fact as far as your truth is concerned, it is a decision that requires no further action. After all if you can't there is nowhere to go is there? However if you turn "I can't" into "How can I?" you have automatically set of your internal radar in search of the answer. If you intend to ask for more out of life it might be worth remembering these few pointers about asking:

• Ask someone who can help you. There is no point in asking a security guard to change your seats when the only person who can change them is the box office.
• Ask with the belief that you deserve what you are asking for.
• Ask a positive question. Saying something like "I bet you don't have any leg room seats left do you?" has already answered your question for them. Asking "How many leg room seats do you have left please?" requires them to at least look.
• Take a negative outcome graciously and ask one more question.
  "I'm afraid we have allocated all available leg room seats sir."
  "Ok, thanks for looking for me anyway. By the way how can I ensure that next time I fly with you that I secure leg room seats?"

Being polite costs nothing and you will be remembered for being polite almost as sure as you will be remembered for being an arsehole.

^ menu

Achievements Inventory

I hit a bunker on The Old Course in Portugal. Being able to hit something that small on something as large as a golf course is surely brilliant!

^ menu

Feedback

One of the most amusing pieces of feedback I have received this year was from one of the students I was working with in Selby who sent me this...

"Thanks for coming into school yesterday, you were really funny and I now realise that it is ok to like myself. Unfortunately my maths teacher isn't speaking to me now because I said Y + X = ...who cares?"

^ menu

A question for discussion.

Does everyone have the right to be wrong?

^ menu

Personal Reflection

Who decides what is funny and what is beyond the line of decency?

Unfortunately I am classed as a 'Motivational' Speaker. It is a label we have to live with because that is what people ask for when they are looking for a speaker for a conference or something similar. Personally, for reason I have explained previously in this medium, I dislike the expression 'Motivational' Speaker. I prefer to call myself an 'Inspirational Humourist' because rather than presuming that I can motivate people (I can't...no-one can) it does imply that I am an inspiration, which I am to many people, and that I am humorous, which again I am to many people. I would never be bold enough to call myself a comedian because I'm not. Comedians tell jokes; I reflect on life in a humorous way - in my mind there is a huge difference between the two - and my humour, for the most part, is personalised but delivered in such a way that other people can say "Me, too" to my reflections. Whether you are a comedian or a humourist (or neither) it still doesn't answer the question, who decides what is funny and what is beyond the line of decency?

The reason I ask is because I find the recent spate of Michael Jackson jokes, and those that were sent around involving Jade Goody after her sad and untimely death, tasteless to say the least. However an infinite number of people seem to find them so very funny that they feel the need to share them with everyone they know. For several days following his untimely death I was fortunate enough not to have received any although a good friend said that she was receiving them at all times of the day and night, something she, too, found distasteful. My reprieve was not to last though and I was finally bombarded with at least ten 'jokes' none of which I found remotely funny and all of which were unwelcome. I guess the answer to the question lies within the individual and what their beliefs and values are.

Is it a sign of the times that any, and every, subject is up for ridicule? Is it, in effect, 'open season' on anyone who is in a less fortunate position than us? I mean, let's be honest; the most popular programme on our televisions for the last couple of years is one that pokes fun at vulnerable people in our society, including those suffering from incontinence, who cannot defend themselves. Given that we are in, probably, the most politically correct time ever right now I would doubt the existence of 'open season' on anyone. So I can only assume that those people who delight in creating or passing these 'jokes' around would be less than ecstatic if the tables were turned and they became the subject of similar ridicule or if they, too, became the subject of less than complimentary internet activities.

Recently a lady on the periphery of Elaine and my social circle asked for my mobile number which I was happy to give her. Within hours I was receiving 'jokes' she obviously thought were so funny, she had to share them with everyone on her contact list! Most were to do with immigrants and Asians living and working in the UK - many even included the 'N' word! I challenged her and asked her not to send me anymore and explained that I am not a racist a homophobe or any of the other abhorrent dispositions who create or enjoy these jokes. When she explained that she sends them to her entire list I asked her to remove my number from her phone there and then. On the other hand, during a discussion about racism etc with a group of students, I was asked by one if it was racist for him not to like a black kid in the school. I said of course not and clarified that by saying that it is ok not to like someone who is another colour or who is gay. However, it is NOT OK to not like someone BECAUSE they are another colour or persuasion.

Back to the Michael Jackson thing though. I have a couple of questions for those who seem to find this stuff funny...

• Are you parents or close to someone? How would you feel if one of your own children or someone you were close to suffered from some incurable affliction or an untimely death? How would you feel if someone saw it as 'open season' to create or spread jokes about them and their death?
• How would you feel if you yourself were suffering from an affliction that others chose to ridicule publicly?

^ menu

Recommended reading, listening or watching

Over the last few months Elaine and I have been fortunate enough to see some amazing live performances. Each one seemed to knock the socks off the previous one and interestingly enough all of them were performers or bands who seem to have been around forever.

First I was dragged to see Lionel Ritchie, I wasn't kicking and screaming you understand (I still think 'Easy' and 'Dancing on the ceiling' are brilliant) but he might have been some way down my list. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole evening. He was outstanding and boy did he know how to play his audience.

Next came 'Seal' who I decided I would like to see live purely because of his new CD 'Soul' which was released at Christmas and had him recreating some of the old Sam Cooke classics, again we were not disappointed, he was outstanding although after 90 minutes he did seem to be singing the same song over and over. Perhaps we should have left after 'Kiss from a rose.'

On 9th July though we went to the NIA in Birmingham to see The Eagles and I can honestly say that this was the greatest live performance I have EVER seen and, as I have already mentioned in this newsletter, our seats were amazing. The Eagles who re-formed with their original members including Don Henley and Joe Walsh must be without a doubt the most authentic sounding band around at present. They didn't have a support act so started promptly at half past seven. They played for 70 minutes and then announced that they were going for a break and then "we will be back to play for a looong time" and a long time they did play for. In total they played live for three hours and I'm sure I'm not the only one who could have stayed for even longer.

Here is a word that is being bounded around my industry recently that personally I think a lot of people are paying lip service to, the word is 'Authenticity.' All three of these acts displayed huge authenticity, every one of them sang LIVE with no lip sync or miming and every one of them sounded as good or even better than they do on the sound system at home. None of them represented the cheapest night out we have ever had but I can honestly say that every one was worth every single penny.

We went to see Quo again too on 23rd July. Given that this is the 34th year running I have seen them I think that says enough.

^ menu

What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

All of life can be seen in one hour by the pool on holiday!
An hour by the pool

Australia is known as the Quarry of the World.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how fit or ready YOU think that you are. If you aren't going up you simply aren't going up!
Mont Blanc, they stole my goal

^ menu

Challenging your thinking

They can't shoot you for asking!

Were you brought up to believe that it was rude to ask? "Wait until you are offered" is something I heard regularly. And then you stood and watched as the best seats or the chocolate coated biscuits went to whoever had been courageous enough to ask for them. My mate Will Kintish (www.kintish.com) makes a valid point when he says that if we didn't let go of the belief that it is rude to ask we those of us who rely on networking fro at least part of our business would soon be out of business. It isn't rude to ask, it is rude to DEMAND or to EXPECT that you should be given something that has not already been offered to you, but it is not rude to ask for something that you think you deserve.

Personally I am an asker, I ask for loads of things. If I am flying standard class I will arrive early at check in and I will ask for an exit seat or at the very least a seat that affords me a little more leg room, of course I only ask for this if I have already had my request for an upgrade turned down. When we eat in a restaurant I will ask for a table in a corner (the reason for this is a whole other article!?!) Recently though we received some amazing good fortune simply by asking.

As I have already mentioned earlier we went to see The Eagles on 7th July at the NIA in Birmingham. Because I have long legs I will usually only attend an event such as this if I can secure end of row seats however on this occasion I was very late booking the tickets so had to be satisfied with whatever was left. When we arrived we discovered that 'what was left' were two seats just eight rows from the back of the arena and right in the middle of the row. Now anyone who has been to one of these arenas knows that the seats have been crammed in with little or no regard for anyone who cannot t their legs in their pockets, there is in fact less than twelve inches between your seat and the seat in front. Add to this the fact that I had given my left knee an almighty knock whilst climbing in the Alps the previous week resulting in a cracker of a bruise just above the knee and the whole 'squeezing into these two seats for three hours' scenario was clearly a none starter.

We arrived shortly before the concert started and there was to be no support act. So by our reasoning any seats that were not occupied soon after the concert started might be free. We decided that I should ask one of the security guys if we could change seats. Of course he couldn't help us, it wasn't his job, but he did advise us to ask at the ticket desk. I politely explained the situation and asked if there were any spare end of row seats anywhere in the arena, even right at the back. The lovely young lady explained that almost every seat had been sold but she did have "these two" available and handed me two tickets for row AA6 which just happened to be two standard, free standing , chairs just 6 rows back from the stage. Ok so as well as four able bodied couples we were sat with a guy in a wheelchair and another on an oxygen bottle but we were assured that the seats were spare and that we were not doing someone more deserving out of them. I think that's what you call a result. And all I did was ask.

It's worth remembering that anything can be turned into a question, and a question ALWAYS requires an answer. For instance saying "I can't" is a statement of fact as far as your truth is concerned, it is a decision that requires no further action. After all if you can't there is nowhere to go is there? However if you turn "I can't" into "How can I?" you have automatically set of your internal radar in search of the answer. If you intend to ask for more out of life it might be worth remembering these few pointers about asking:

• Ask someone who can help you. There is no point in asking a security guard to change your seats when the only person who can change them is the box office.
• Ask with the belief that you deserve what you are asking for.
• Ask a positive question. Saying something like "I bet you don't have any leg room seats left do you?" has already answered your question for them. Asking "How many leg room seats do you have left please?" requires them to at least look.
• Take a negative outcome graciously and ask one more question.
  "I'm afraid we have allocated all available leg room seats sir."
  "Ok, thanks for looking for me anyway. By the way how can I ensure that next time I fly with you that I secure leg room seats?"

Being polite costs nothing and you will be remembered for being polite almost as sure as you will be remembered for being an arsehole.

^ menu

Achievements Inventory

I hit a bunker on The Old Course in Portugal. Being able to hit something that small on something as large as a golf course is surely brilliant!

^ menu

Feedback

One of the most amusing pieces of feedback I have received this year was from one of the students I was working with in Selby who sent me this...

"Thanks for coming into school yesterday, you were really funny and I now realise that it is ok to like myself. Unfortunately my maths teacher isn't speaking to me now because I said Y + X = ...who cares?"

^ menu

A question for discussion.

Does everyone have the right to be wrong?

^ menu