Personal Reflection

Perhaps Peeka has it right.

I imagine you have heard the expression "It's a dog's life!" many times. My understanding of it is that a dog's life is one of being waited on at meal times, walked when YOU want to go, sleeping anywhere you want and whenever you don't feel like doing anything else. That's what my dog Peeka thinks it means anyway, or at least she did until recently. Peeka's world was shattered a few days ago when she had a mild stroke caused by a disease she has contracted called vestibular disease

When I say Peeka's world was shattered, what I really meant to say was that OUR world (the many people who love her as much as they would a child) was shattered as well because Peeka is no ordinary doggy. I can't speak for the rest of her family but for me she is, and has been for almost 11 years, my very best friend, my confidante, my training buddy and my entertainment.

At times she has also been my greatest teacher. You see Peeka seems to have life sussed. She eats when she is hungry, drinks when she is thirsty, plays when she has the energy and rests/sleeps when she doesn't. She has never held a grudge. On the odd occasion when I have been later home than I promised her I would be she has just said hello and then let it go - she just doesn't know how to sulk. When I tell her I'm going out for a while, she doesn't care if it is to go shopping, play golf or have a few beers, just as long as there is a Milky Way or a Schmackos sandwich for her when I get back. When friends come to our home she welcomes them all in the same way. It doesn't matter if they are black, white, male, female, gay, straight or just confused every one of them gets about 10 seconds of a pathetic "I will do it because Dad wants me to" bark, a little bit of a sniff and then they are free to move about the house as they see fit. And if I ever feel the need to talk with her or share some secrets with her Peeka just sits (or more often lays) there and listens. She has never once passed judgement on me, criticised me or called me names.

So when this happened to her there was nothing else to do but give her every bit of time and attention that she needed. Sleeping downstairs with her in case she needed to move in the night was never given a second thought - after all, whenever she can she sleeps upstairs with me. We fed her water from a sports bottle so that she was hydrated and we carried her outside when she needed to pee.

Within a week she was back on her feet all be it a little shakily and in what seemed like no time at all we were taking very short walks outside where she could chat with Harvey from next door, no doubt sharing her experiences with him just in case he became ill later in his life. Neighbours who hadn't see her for a while were asking after her and people who hadn't spoken for (literally) years found themselves conversing in a perfectly civilised way about how she was. She is still quite unsteady on her feet and still not eating as much as we would like her to, but she is well on the way to being Peeka again. Peeka is only ten so she still has plenty of years in her yet but, for me at least, her health has become just that little bit more important. Hmmm, maybe even when she is ill Peeka is still teaching me something.

Peeka with a 'stick'!

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What do I know now that I didn't know a month ago?

A dog can have a stroke. It makes sense really because they have a heart and a brain, it just didn't strike me as something that happened to dogs

My judgement of people still stinks sometimes

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Challenging your thinking

I was asked to appear on a live phone in recently on BBC Radio Leeds to comment on an article in the Daily Telegraph about stress. It seems that civil servants at the Treasury in London who are grappling with the recession and record deficit have been given a 71-page document to cope with stress which includes messages such as "Learn to laugh at yourself" and a six-point lesson in "How to relax your thighs".

My first thought was, "Bless them! If only everyone under the pressure of incuring a £100 fine for submitting complicated tax returns late could have a little look at it, too!". I then began to wonder how much of the record deficit was caused by producing a 71 page document for every member of staff before finally thinking how useful something like that would be for those of us who genuinely do allow things to get on top of us from time to time. However, on reading some of it, I realised whoever wrote it has either never experienced real stress or has completely cracked under the pressure. It was full of stuff - mainly some good offerings surrounded by crap advice with a smattering of incongruences.

So that I could speak from a place of authenticity, I read the article, along with a few outtakes from the brochure, and off I went to comment. The main focus of the interview was the list of "10 Top Tips to relieve stress in the workplace" and we duly went through them one at a time...

1. Do not put up with something that does not work correctly. Ensure it is repaired.
   If this is anything like my radiators at home well this all sounds very positive but how can I ensure that something is mended when actually getting it mended is up to someone else. And does this include your colleagues or even you manager?
2. Look on the bright side.
   Are they serious? A 71 page professionally produced document written by experts and they come out with this load of tosh? It's expressions like this that get my profession a bad name.
   So there you are, sat in your already poverty stricken town on a small island called Haiti when the whole shebang falls down on and around you and you find yourself trapped for almost a week with no water or food - but hey, it could be worse! Rubbish!
   Frankly sometimes there just isn't a bright side so when some tree hugging, sandal wearing, bearded, unwashed yeti tells you to look on the bright side, might I suggest that the best way to lighten the situation would be to shove his tree hugging head right where the sun doesn't shine and ask him how bright that side looks?
3. Learn to say no – you have this right.
   To be honest I couldn't argue with the sentiment of this one although what it forgets to say is that we must also be prepared to accept full responsibility for the consequences of doing so, for example....
   "Read this amazing 71 page document and then get on with your work!"
   "NO!"
   "Ok I'm sick of your negative attitude and constant refusal to do what you are told, you are fired."
   How much stress will that cause then? Oh well, you could always look on the bright side, eh?
4. Avoid chaos.
   That's it? No 'How to avoid chaos' or 'Where to go to avoid chaos' - just 'Avoid chaos'? Just how, pray, do you suggest we do this? I wonder what colour the sky is in the world that these idiots seem to live in?
5. Write down thoughts and feelings.
   Now this one I simply couldn't argue with. I am a huge fan of writing stuff down and find doing so very cathartic. It sometimes helps, though, if you resist pressing the send button after you have finished whatever it is that you are writing because that can cause more stress than anything else (see number 4)
6. Control aggression.
   This can be helped by avoiding anyone who is liable to quote number 2 at you whenever the shit hits the fan. Count to ten, say a prayer (if you are that way inclined) or hit some smart-alec smack on the nose - but only hit them once. We can't have you letting your aggression get out of control can we?
7. Learn to laugh at yourself.
   Again I find this one very hard to argue with. It was once said that if you laugh at yourself then other people can only laugh WITH you. This is not the same as 'always look on the bright side' which encourages us to force ourselves to look around whatever it is that is in our way.
8. Deal with unpleasant tasks first.
   By now we were on a roll, agreeing with the writers of the book. Brian Tracey's book "Eat That Frog!" explains that, if you have to eat a frog, don't look at it too long and, if you have to eat two frogs, eat the biggest one first. Once you have done the biggest or most unpleasant job the rest of the day is down hill - especially if there was some small reward for completing it.
9. Shelve problems until you have the capacity to deal with them.
   This is where the roll that we were on came to an abrupt halt. What a worthless piece of advice this is for someone suffering from stress. Following this piece of advice is probably why they are in the mess they are experiencing in the first place. And it is totally incongruent with number eight. It is this sort of advice that causes a small argument to fester into an all out feud!
   What if all of us self-employed people who have to lodge their tax returns before 1st January or face a fine followed this advice? Don't fill in tax return before 1st January = £100 fine. £100 fine = a little stress. A little stress = can't be bothered to fill in tax returns before end of Feb = yet another fine. Yet another fine = more stress because now we can't afford to pay it = much more stress because we might end up in court. We might end up in court = so much stress that we aren't sleeping. Not sleeping = needing time off work. Time off work = no income. No income = no money to pay fine and eventually we end up in prison. But then of course we don't work for the treasury do we?
   The longer you leave a problem the bigger it gets and the bigger it gets the more stress it will cause. And the more stress that is cause the more reason for someone with nothing better to do to write another 71 page booklet to help people overcome the stress that following the advice in the first 71 page booklet caused.
10. Ensure you've had enough sleep.
    And then we get back on the roll again - just as the advice comes to an end. This is the single most important piece of advice I ever received as an athlete and then again as a business owner. If I don't re-fuel my car it grinds to a halt, the same goes with my body. And more importantly when you sleep you dream, and it is those dreams that will forge your future.

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Achievements Inventory

I have lost ten pounds and 5% body fat this year without fanfare or using any fad diets.

When doggy became seriously ill, EVERYONE adjusted their plans and attitudes to make sure that she was well looked after. Well done us!

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Feedback

My new programme, How to take life by the throat and say 'I'm not done yet!', is being received very well by everyone who is introduced to it. Clients as diverse as Cleveland Fire Brigade, Fibre Hairdressing (Manchester), The ISMM, The BRG Group (Birmingham) and Executive Excellence Group have all given outstanding feedback following delivery of part or all of the programme. These are typical remarks following the programme...

"The feedback I have received from delegates is the most consistent and highest scores we have ever received. I look forward to inviting you back in the future."
Martin Lyness, BRG Birmingham

"The internal honesty that Clive facilitates provides permission to deal with those issues that you have avoided in the past."
John Doyle, Cleveland Fire Brigade

"From the 37 feedback forms we received you were given 26 x Excellent, 8 x Very Good, and 1 x Good"
ISMM Sales Seminar, Manchester

I am very proud of what I have produced with the programme and even more so because it is all based on my own authentic experience.

For more information about the programme and dates when it will be available in your area keep an eye on my website events page.

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A question for discussion

How much proof do you need for ............?

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